Sometimes the only verse in the Bible a man knows is Ephesians 5:22, “Wives, submit to your husbands.”
And if that’s
the only one, some tend to repeat it often. Some like to use it as a threat.
Some like to use it to manipulate. Some use it to stroke their own ego. Some
think their marriage would be much better if their wife would simply listen to
God and obey this command (but really, he just wants her to do whatever he
wants to do).
On the flip
side, many women struggle with it as well. For some it induces a constant sense
of guilt. For others it makes them extremely defensive. For others it makes
them cower, wave the white flag, and bury their own thoughts and opinions on
any issue. Even though on the inside, things like bitterness, frustration, and
even silent depression may continue to build.
However, what
many people fail to realize is what the author writes in the verse before,
Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of
reverence for Christ.”
So,
the Scriptures ACTUALLY say, submit to one another—that is, wives submit to
your husbands AND husbands submit to your wives.
Well,
that certainly has many implications.
But
here’s the real kicker: the author says “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
You
see, many times what we fall into is a mindset that acts like the Scriptures
say, “Submit to one another out of reverence for your spouse.” That based on
who my spouse is, and more specifically, their behavior at any given
moment-I’ll either choose to come under their mission (hence, sub-mission) or
not. If he acts loving toward me, if I think she’s done something to deserve
it, if my feelings are those of honor, respect, and love for my spouse-then
I’ll support their mission.
But,
if I don’t feel that way in the moment, forget it.
However,
in marriage, we are instructed, not to react based on our spouse’s behavior,
but in a response to God’s love and grace-out of reverence for who God is.
So,
husbands and wives alike, are commanded to respond to their spouse based on
their trust in God and their awe of who He is. We recognize that we don’t
deserve His grace, His love, His patience, His understanding, His unwavering
commitment to us and therefore we don’t demand that our spouse deserve it in
order to move toward them, love them, forgive them, and treat them with love,
honor, and respect.
Sound
hard? It is. But when we realize marriage isn’t about being committed to
happiness, but about letting God transform us into more like Himself-suddenly
we begin to find ourselves grateful for the gift of our spouse, and how God can
uniquely use them, like no other person in our life, to shape the
characteristics of Christ in us.
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